Art on a Pedestal

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A one act play for 9 students to perform in class.

Cast

Characters could be played by either gender

  1. Security Guard
  2. Worker
  3. Visitor 1
  4. Visitor 2
  5. Art Critic 1
  6. Art Critic 2
  7. Art Critic 3
  8. Mystic
  9. Impersonator, could be any well known musician eg. Elvis Presley or one of the Beatles

Scene

An Art Exhibition
Props
Pedestal
Apple
Guitar
Chairs
Decorations, paintings, sculptures or indoor plants
Sound effects
Supplied off stage as appropriate
Conventions
Full caps text is SHOUTED; italicized text is spoken with emphasis


Curtain opens with a Security sitting on a chair with an apple in his hand. Close by is an empty pedestal. As the Guard is about to bite the apple, a message comes over the Public Address system.
Off stage message

PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEM: Would the Security Guard please report to the front office immediately.

(The Guard stops – looks around – sees the empty pedestal to one side of the stage and places the apple on the top.)

GUARD: What do they want now? They must want me down there for the opening of the exhibition.

(The Guard walks off stage leaving the apple on the pedestal.)
(A worked comes on stage to make a final examination of the exhibits.)

WORKER: Well, that looks like everything. Hey, what’s this? (Walking over to the pedestal with the apple on top)

WORKER: That’s not supposed to be there. This exhibit is supposed to be over here. (The worker then moves the pedestal to a slightly different position nearer the centre of the stage)

WORKER: That’s better. I’ll go and tell the boss everything is set up.

(The worker then goes off stage.)
(Two visitors then wander on stage talking quietly to each other until they come to the pedestal)

VISITOR 1: Now here’s a good one.

VISITOR 2: What! That thing?

VISITOR 1: That’s not a thing; that’s a rare object of beauty.

VISITOR 2: Come off it! That’s an apple.

VISITOR 1: Have you no appreciation of the finer things of life? This is an expression of beauty from the wonders of nature.

VISITOR 2: You’ve got to be joking! That’s just an apple.

VISITOR 1: It might be just an apple to you but the artist has spent countless hours creating this work of art.

VISITOR 2: Well, if it took him countless hours to carve that thing, then he’s a pretty slow worker!

VISITOR 1: That’s the trouble when you don’t appreciate true art. Creativity doesn’t happen at the drop of a bucket.

VISITOR 2: Going out to a shop and buying an apple to copy isn’t very creative. Even I could do that.

VISITOR 1: Ah! But you didn’t because you don’t understand the true meaning of the subject.

VISITOR 2: What true meaning can there be in an apple?

(As the two visitors discuss the apple, two other people come on stage and stand to one side listening to the conversation.)

CRITIC 1: (Addressing the two visitors) It’s a matter of symbolism.

VISITOR 2: (Turning to the Critic) Don’t tell me you’re part of this conspiracy too?

CRITIC 1: Certainly not; your friend is absolutely correct when he says this is, indeed, a rare work of art.

VISITOR 2: And how would you know if this is art or not?

CRITIC 1: I happen to be the Art Critic for the local Newspaper. Isn’t that right? (Turning to the other person)

CRITIC 2: That’s right. And I happen to be the Art Critic for the Young Artists magazine.

VISITOR 1: (Turning to Visitor 2) There you are; we have two experts to sort you out.

VISITOR 2: I don’t need sorting out; it’s you bunch who needs sorting out.

CRITIC 2: Obviously, my young friend, your education in art is sadly wanting.

VISITOR 1: That’s what I’ve been trying to say.

VISITOR 2: There’s nothing wanting about my education; I know art when I see it and this ain’t art.

CRITIC 1: So, you don’t appreciate the extraordinary simplicity of what the artist is expressing?

CRITIC 2: Not to mention the exquisite application of colour.

VISITOR 1: This work is absolutely life like and expresses the beauty of nature as it really is.

VISITOR 2: Boy, are you guys getting carried away. The thing’s an apple; any fool can carve an apple.

CRITIC 1: But, don’t you see, that’s where the genius of the sculpture comes in. Only an artist with a real feel for nature could conceive this idea.

(A third critic walks on stage and joins the others.)

CRITIC 2: Ah; here’s an authority who really understands the finer points of art.

CRITIC 3: Well; thank you for that kind introduction. What seems to be the problem?

CRITIC 1: We were just explaining the inner meaning of this fine example of an artist’s creativity. (Pointing to the apple on the pedestal.)

CRITIC 3: What! This pointless exhibit?

VISITOR 2: Now there’s someone after my own heart.

CRITIC 2: (Turning to Critic 3) How come you don’t appreciated what is being expressed here?

CRITIC 1: I guess that’s understandable. (Addressing Critic 3) You always did have a weird sense of taste.

CRITIC 3: Not at all. My taste is impeccable when it comes to true art.

VISITOR 2: Like I say; great minds think alike.

(Their conversation is suddenly interrupted by a strangely dressed person who rushes up to the pedestal and stretches their arms out as if to embrace the exhibit.)

MYSTIC: Ahhhhhh! Ohhhhhh! This is wondrous!

VISITOR 1: (Addressing the newly arrived Mystic) What’s the matter with you? Are you sick?

CRITIC 1: Looks crazy to me.

MYSTIC: What’s the matter with you people? Can’t you feel it? Can’t you feel the power emanating from this wondrous object?

VISITOR 2: No, you silly twit; it’s just an apple.

MYSTIC: Oh save me! Oh save me; from the ignorance that surrounds me!

CRITIC 3: Come now; this is just an ordinary exhibit; there’s nothing exotic about it.

MYSTIC: (Going down on his/her knees and holding his/her arms above his/her head) OH; GIVE ME STRENGTH; IMMERSE ME IN YOUR POWER; EMBRACE ME IN YOUR WISDOM!

CRITIC 2: This is really over the top.

MYSTIC: You heathens! You have no understanding of the mystic powers. SIT DOWN NOW or I’ll have the force grind you to dust!

(The group looks perplexed and don’t know what to do until Visitor 1 squats down on the floor. The others follow except for Critic 3 and Visitor 2.)

MYSTIC: You unbelievers! You will suffer. I will concentrate the energy field though my body and have it strike you down.

CRITIC 3: This is ridiculous. There’s nothing coming from that thing.

(The Mystic seems to go into a trance and begins to sway back and forth while sitting in front of the pedestal)

MYSTIC: (Begins to chant in a loud voice) Oommmm Daaaaaa; Oommmm Daaaaaa; Oommmm Daaaaaa.

VISITOR 2: (Starting to look worried) I think we’d better sit.

CRITIC 3: Don’t be silly. This is just plain ridiculous.

MYSTIC: Oommmm Daaaaaa; Oommmm Daaaaaa; Oommmm Daaaaaa.

(Visitor 2 sits down behind Critic 3 who starts to back away from the Mystic and the pedestal but trips over Visitor 2 and falls to the floor.)

CRITIC 1: Good heavens! Did you see that?

VISITOR 1: The Mystic floored him/her.

CRITIC 3: Don’t be stupid. I just tripped over; that’s all.

CRITIC 2: Didn’t look like that to us.

VISITOR 1: It looked more like you were struck by some invisible force and laid low.

MYSTIC: Oommmm Daaaaaa; Oommmm Daaaaaa; Oommmm Daaaaaa.

CRITIC 3: (Still sitting where he/she fell) Stop that ridiculous noise or I’ll call security.

(Suddenly, a new arrival enters the stage. They are wearing a bright costume and carrying a guitar.)

IMPERSONATOR: I hear music. What’s the go folks?

MYSTIC: AHHHHHHH. (Shrieking when disturbed from the trance)

IMPERSONATOR: Holy cow! What’s going on here?

CRITIC 2: You’ve just disturbed our Mystic friend who was concentrating the unseen forces coming from the apple.

IMPERSONATOR: That’s marvelous – a Mystic with a marvelous melody!

CRITIC 3: Are you crazy too?

IMPERSONATOR: I know a good voice when I hear one.

MYSTIC: Do you really think I have such a good voice?

IMPERSONATOR: I certainly do. And this wondrous work of art is enough to inspire anyone. (Pointing to the apple)

VISITOR 2: (Addressing the Mystic) Can we get up now? Has the force died down?

MYSTIC: NO YOU CAN’T. Stay where you are while I communicate with my learned friend here.

IMPERSONATOR: That’s what I like; a captive audience.

MYSTIC: Tell me dear friend; what inspires you about this powerful object?

IMPERSONATOR: It engulfs me in harmony; I can feel the music, ready to burst forth.

MYSTIC: Yes, my friend; let it flow; let it cover us all in its gossamer wings and show us the path to peace and enlightenment.

(The Impersonator takes up the guitar and prepares to sing)

CRITIC 3: This is getting more ridiculous by the minute.

CRITIC 1: Shut up and, maybe, you’ll learn something.

CRITIC 3: The only thing I’ll learn is how not to be taking in by a bunch of charlatans.

MYSTIC: HUSH UP, or I will strike you down again.

IMPERSONATOR: (Bursting into song)

You are my apple, my lovely apple
You make me haappyyyyy
Because I feeeeeel you
You are paaaart of eeeeeeevery thing I am
Oh give me strength
Oh lift me up
Oh raise me high
Into the sky
My lovely apple, my lovely apple
Show meeee the waaay, - to life.

(Every one applauds except Critic 3)

CRITIC 3: That’s the biggest load of rubbish I’ve heard in a long time.

CRITIC 2: See; that just goes to prove you have no taste.

VISITOR 1: I thought that was great. That sure is a powerful work of art.

CRITIC 1: (Addressing the Mystic) What did you think?

MYSTIC: Unbelievable. The power of this wondrous object is just unbelievable.

CRITIC 3: You’re dead right there. It’s totally unbelievable and you’re not going to hood wink us any more.

(As this is spoken the Security Guard walks on stage and stares at all the people sitting on the floor)

SECURITY GUARD: What’s going on here? What’s the matter with you people?

MYSTIC: Ahhhh. Another heathen joins the ranks.

SECURITY GUARD: Get up off the floor. You can’t squat here. Ah; there it is.

(The Guard walks over to the pedestal, picks up the apple and takes a bite out of it and turns on the group as he hears their collective gasp.)

SECURITY GUARD: I told you bunch; there’s no loitering here. On your way now.

(The Guard then walks off the stage eating his apple as the curtain comes down on the assembly.)
THE END
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